The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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