Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
