Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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