I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
