Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
