Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize