On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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