Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
