Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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