He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
