i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
