Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
