Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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