Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
