So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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