So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know her cup size but not her name....
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