I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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