I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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