Just fell off a train. Bad.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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