We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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