I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize