Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
