toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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