Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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