I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
