We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
