If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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