what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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