phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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