oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
