i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
