Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize