I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
