gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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