Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
