Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
