Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
