I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
