I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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