i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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