Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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