Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
