Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
