she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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