i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
