I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
