My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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