you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
