You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just pee around me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
