And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
