Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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