That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
