dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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