I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
