oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
