I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The Olympian is in my bed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
