The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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