everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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