Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
