maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
