she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
