He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
