Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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