Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
