What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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