This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
