eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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