Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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