I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
honey bunches of taint.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize